no thank you!

Lately, I feel like everything I do these days is defined by my brownness. I hate it. I do not want my Indian ethnicity to define me as a person. Me as a person is multi-faceted I promise you. So multi-faceted I confuse myself more often than not ;-)

There are so many things about being Indian that actually cause me discomfort and shame: the inherent racism and classism in the indian mentality, the over-concern of society's image of you, the Victorian 'holier than thou' attitude, the deep-rooted shauvinism....i could go on and on because i feel like these are thrown in my face almost every other day!
1. I just finished talking to a friend of mine who is Indian who's first response when reading this horrendous story of an Indian man who murdered his estranged wife..was..and I quote "i beleive its not as straightdforward on the woman's side... as it is being projected." First response!
2. the Victorian 'holier than thou' attitude is not my brilliant assessment. google Indian history and you'll find that this ridiculous part of the culture that promotes and incestuates the religious basis for castes stems from a cultural depravity.
3. Indian gossip. women create little gossip circles at *every* social event. and when you aren't close enough to whisper to your neighbor...the desi chick in you've never met will update you in the elevator on what the others in the building are doing.
4. Yes, also I'm becoming bitter about not being able to fairly associate with those of the opposite sex because I'm picky and if I continue to be subject to rules like he must he have certain colors, resume lines, and religious affiliations I'll be forced to learn to like cats. Cats are scary, smelly and moody. I have enough female friends to now add a furry she-friend to the mix.
5. My Indian blood, if you will, has left me at odds with my project management. I don't feel like I can question those above me (typical Indian mentality) even though I know that's not how things work. I'm working on this but da--it, why can't we just find a way to erase the brown factor?

What's going on? I'm an American before anything else. I need someone to remind me. Where have all the Americans in my life gone?

Said friend (above) offered to help locate a job for me in India should the economy tank to the point that I am working at the dry cleaners (re: a comment I made about previously working at the dry cleaners.) I'll take the dry cleaning job here before I move to India. No thank you.